I Don’t Know How To Make Calzones:

Taking a well-deserved cheese break, I decide to cook something cheesy.  Falling back on my co-worker’s advice to make “something with meat and cheese”, I turn my attention to calzones - pizza’s red headed stepbrother.  Also, for some reason the Parks & Recreation episode where Ben wanted to open a health-conscious sports bar called “The Low-Cal Calzone Zone”, has been stuck in my head lately.  With some very exciting basketball on TV this weekend, let’s make calzones!

(Warning:  This will not go well.)

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Goat Cheese - Take Two: Stop The Madness!

Forgive the long absence - it’s busy-busy time at work, and I had to replace my sick computer, which involved a whole weekend of backing up and transferring, then trying to figure out the enigma known as Windows 8.  So.  The reconstituted goat cheese was a failure.  Bowed and humbled, I’m going back to basics this week, and trying chevre again.  My husband happened to be traveling through a state that allows raw milk sales, and was kind enough to pick me up three glorious gallons of raw goat milk, which went promptly into the freezer.  (It can be frozen for up to 30 days with no noticeable problems.)  Yes, I’ve done goat cheese already, but that was my very first blog post and I was just trying to figure this shit out.  Also I’m craving goat cheese, and I need another tick in the win column for my ego.

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Illegally Cheese:

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Earlier this week I casually leaned against the door to my boss’s office and heard myself say, “Actually the history of American Cheese is pretty interesting.” before I saw a moment of panic light in his eyes.  I quickly stopped the conversation so as not to get fired.  He’s politely interested in my cheesemaking, but not THAT interested.  No one wants to hear me talk about American Cheese at length.  So - American Cheese you guys.  I’m going to talk about it at length.

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Homemade Ricotta Cheese:

Prosciutto, Ricotta, come on pretty mama,

Montasio, Formmagio, baby why don’t we go…

There’s a whole Kokomo spoof involving Italian cheeses and meats just waiting to be written, but my inner Weird Al is not cooperating today.  I’m back in it guys - cheesemaking that is.  I have a confession to make though - that Camembert I worked SO hard on?  Tasted like Pine Sol.  Or how I imagine Pine Sol to taste.  I cracked one open over Thanksgiving and it tasted like Camembert!  "You are a rock star." I thought to myself.  There was a slight ammoniac smell and taste to it, but that’s normal with mold-ripened cheeses, and I thought a couple hours of airing would fix it.  The second came with me to a Christmas party, and probably would have taken the paint off a car had I tested it.  The verdict:  Overripe.  Since they were a variety of odd sizes, and since I didn’t know exactly what the fresh hell I was doing, I couldn’t accurately judge the ripening times and let them go far too long.  But I will try again.  I think I just have to work my way up.

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